Begin the bugles, sound the horns, gather round and rattle your jewellery - the F365 World Cup awards are here. So who was our best player? And more importantly, who got naked....?

Game Of The Tournament
Winner: Slovakia's dramatic, controversial and all-round bonkers 3-2 win over Italy to eliminate the holder.
Runner-Up: Germany taking England apart. Look at it objectively - it was a cracker.

Player Of The Tournament
Winner: Xavi. Passing, passing, passing.
Runner-Up: Bastian Schweinsteiger.

Goal Of The Tournament
Winner: Fabio Quagliarella's audacious chip against Slovakia is worth a shout, if only for the combination of brilliant skill and ultimate futility.
Runner-Up: Siphiwe Tshabalala's bullet in the very first game, made all the more lovely by the celebration.

Blunder Of The Tournament
Robert Green's howler against the United States. How different England's campaign might have been had England won the match and the group...

Pundit Of The Tournament
Winner:

Whinger Of The Tournament
Winner: Mark Lawrenson. How dare the BBC send him on a month-long jolly in which all he has to do is talk about football? How dare they not ensure that every game is an absolute barnstormer? How dare they?
Runner Up: Alan Green. See above.

Least Understandable Pundit Of The Tournament
EmmanuelAdebayor.Ifhedoesntputspacesbetweenwordsthenneithershallwe.

Half-Time Ranter Of The Tournament
Nicolas Anelka. You try telling your boss to 'Go f**k yourself,' see how far you get.

Quote Of The Tournament
"I'm Pavlos and I need the toilet" - The explanation given by England dressing room invader Pavlos Joseph.

Modest Description Of The Tournament
"It just slipped off my bald head and went in" - Wesley Sneijder's description of his winning goal versus Brazil.

Mightiest Fall Of The Tournament>
The elimination of both Italy and France, the finalists four years ago, at the group stage.

Surprise Package Of The Tournament
Winner: New Zealand. They ended the tournament as the only unbeaten country. Now there's a quiz question in the making.
Runners-Up: Uruguay. The last country to qualify for the tournament, they defied all expectations, and their finish of fifth place in the South American segment of qualifying, to reach the last four.

No S**t Headline Of The Tournament
'Bob Wilson says Robert Green goal blunder 'a howler'' - The Daily Telegraph.

Miss Of The Tournament
Yakubu's open-goal miss against South Korea.

Post-Tournament Punishment Of The Tournament
The suspension of the entire Nigeria squad at the World Cup for two years following their failure to reach the knock-out stage.

Most Appropriate National Stereotype Of The Tournament
Winner: The French going on strike.
Runner Up: By having less possession and less shots on goal yet still scoring eight against England and Argentina, the Germans prove to be very efficient indeed.

Least Welcome Interruption Of The Tournament
Winner:An advert breaking into ITV HD's coverage of England v the United States just as Steven Gerrard scored.
Runner-Up: Any of the many 'jokes' said by Mark Lawrenson.

Funniest Interruption Of The Tournament
Emmanuel Adebayor's mobile phone ringing live in the BBC studio as he settled in to talk up South Africa v Uruguay. Made even funnier by him instantly turning it off, despite it apparently being the news that he'd just become a father.

Worst Game Of The Tournament
Winner: England v Algeria.
Runner-Up: Algeria v Slovenia

Too Much Information Of The Tournament
From The Daily Telegraph's account of how the England team spent their day off following the draw with the United States: 'Some of the squad were forced to relieve themselves in bushes half way round the luxury course in the heart of the five star resort but it is believed they made sure no members of the public were around when they did so.'

'Take One For The Team' Supporter Of The Tournament
Winner: Bongo performer Bobbi Eden, who narrowly avoided having to pleasure over 100,000 Twitter followers, after Holland lost the final.
Runner-Up: Larissa Riquelme. She promised to strip naked if Paraguay won the tournament, but obliged even after their quarter-final elimination. We suspect she didn't need much persuasion.

Punch Bag Of The Tournament
Winner: Stuart Pearce. Did you see the elbowing he took from Fabio during the Slovenia win?
Runner-Up: Fabio himself from the back pages following England's exit.

Press Conference Of The Tournament
Winner: John Terry's over-enthusiastic call-to-arms on the Sunday between England's games with Algeria and Slovenia.
Runner-Up: Any of Maradona's, but in particular...

Best Assertion Of Heterosexuality
Diego Maradona, explaining that he had a 'blonde, beautiful, 31-year-old girlfriend' after it was suggested he had a very, ahem, touchy-feely relationship with his players.

Best Dressed Mascot Of The Tournament
Winner: David Beckham.
Runner-Up Diego Maradona.

Social Commentator Of The Tournament
Alan Hansen, for explaining that Apartheid was 'fundamentally flawed'.

Initially Hated, Then Tolerated, Then Rather Liked, But Let's Not Have Them Over Here, Eh? Accessory Of The Tournament:
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